In fact, I have shocked myself throughout these past few weeks. Most people close to me have been worried I’d be devastated, and beating myself up for crashing and burning. And, are they on to something? Should I be locked in my room in a corner in the fetal position feeling sorry for myself? Gosh, that’d be a waste of time. J But, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I do have frustrations. It's not fair- I’m in great shape, and have only been progressing as a better and better runner. My improvements have come in a short period of time and with no real guidance or coaching beyond myself. I have talent, I am young, and the sky is the limit. It stinks that I won’t be able to put all of this to the test this spring.
However, my crazy and dangerous black out experience, along with the subsequent diagnoses that have come as a result, have been a tremendous wake up call for me. The truth is, I am going to go nowhere FAST if I don’t follow through with what I have been saying since the incident. I NEED A BREAK.
So, my official plan is as follows: no racing AT ALL for the rest of 2012. Not even so much as a 5K. I need a break from pushing myself, because for years now I have failed to do so. Yes, I have failed. With all of my success in running, rest is where I have failed miserably. Why am I cold turkey cutting out all racing? I am too much of a perfectionist to run a race anything less than 110% of what I have, so I just need to remove myself completely for now. Then, come 2013, with full rest and recovery, I will be kicking some SERIOUS booty. I know it. Watch out 30-34 age group…MP is coming! J
In the meantime, I will NOT be discontinuing running. I will just be toning it down. I have achieved more than I ever could have imagined with running, and would not take back a thing. But, now is the time to reflect on those achievements and be proud. I love running so much, and am so grateful for the woman I have become because of it. As difficult as it may be for some to comprehend, it’s truly who I am. Maybe that’s odd, but it is! I’m pretty sure “runner” is one of the first words people mention when describing me. In toning it down, I will be taking it back to where I started. Before my first race EVER, the Cleveland Half Marathon in 2008, I ran ALL the time. I didn’t think much about it, I enjoyed it, and liked being in good shape. That’s what I will be sticking to for the rest of the year. I will be running the distance that I want, the pace that I want, when I want, and with who I want. I will have time to doing more cross-training, and will hopefully get a bike for this summer. I will have more time do ANYTHING. :-)
I feel that the door for opportunity is wide open right now, and I’m excited for what I may accomplish and who I may meet. These past few weeks have been a whirlwind, but I am optimistic. I’m still on a mission to solve my black out problems, and am seeing doctors and waiting for more answers. I chose to not be devastated by the situation, but instead continue to work towards happiness. Life is much better lived happy. J